To get respect is to earn respect

To get respect is to earn respect

1. Focus: You want your Caregiver to seriously attend to your relationship and needs. 

2. Structure: You want routines in your care so that you have daily reminders of your submission and your Caregiver’s interest in your life.

3. Protection: You want to feel safer in this relationship than in a typical vanilla relationship. A watchful eye and Caregiver that takes your dynamic seriously is important. 

4. Guidance: You want to feel like your Caregiver has an interest in your personal development, goals for you, and is consistently walking you towards a idyllic vision of you they have within themselves. 

5. Adventure: You want to not know what is going to happen when the door closes and the clothes come off. You want to live daily with the knowledge that your Caregiver may ask you to do all sorts of sordid things you are somewhat uncomfortable with, or excited about, from out of the blue. 

6. Respect: You want to know that your Caregiver respects you, your limits, and the wishes you have for the relationship you are entering in together. 

7. Love/affection: You want to know that your Caregiver can give you the amount of this that you desire within your dynamic, and at least enough of it to navigate through effective aftercare. 

8. Accountability: You want to know that your Caregiver is going to enforce the rules and dole out punishment when they are broken.

9. A High Level of Trust: You want to feel a bright and shining sense of trust for everything it takes for you to submit fully to your Caregiver.

I hope this gives you some things to discuss and some ways to express why they are important Miss. Best of luck!

Terms in BDSM

 

Some old notes I found

I. Roles:

     1. Dominant: Also sometimes referred to as a top. Dominants can be any age above the age of consent, sex, or size. Dominants take control of scenes or partners in their relationships with submissives. 

          a. Dom - A male identified Dominant

          b. Domme - A female identified Dominant

     2. Submissive: Also sometimes referred to as a bottom. Submissives can be any age above the age of consent, sex, or size. Submissives give control of scenes or themselves to their chosen Dominant in their relationships with them. 

          a. sub - The abbreviated form of submissive. Can be any sex.

     3. Switch: A person who feels comfortable adopting both Dominant and submissive roles within BDSM. Switches can be any age above the age of consent, sex, or size. 

II. Dynamics:

     1. BDSM provides room for individuals to create an infinite amount of roles within the Dom/sub community. Partners are encouraged to create a relationship that works well for them, using the framework, rules, and etiquette within the community. That being said, there are many commonly used roles, which have created the basic dynamics that make up BDSM. 

          a. Dominants and their submissives: Those who do not find one of the three more common dynamics to their liking often simply refer to themselves as Dominants and submissives. This removes much of the structure of the other dynamics, and allows them to create a BDSM relationship without further defining their roles.

           b. Masters (Male Identified Dominant Role), Mistresses (Female Identified Dominant Role), and their slaves (submissive role): These relationships often begin with contracts, drawn up by the Master, and signed and agreed to by the slave. A dungeon setting or an abundance of leather is often an indication that a couple is playing within this dynamic. Those who are more sadistic or masochistic often play here as well. 

           c. Owners (Male or Female Identified Dominant Role) and their pets (submissive role): In this dynamic, submissives take on the role of many types of animals, often including bunnies, kittens, foxes, or puppies. These relationships often include cages, eating from pet bowls, submissives on all fours, and include such fashion as tails, ears, and leashes. 

          d. Caregivers (Male Identified Dominant Role is Typically Daddy, and Female Identified Dominant Role is Typically Mommy) and their littles (submissive role): This is often characterized as being the most nurturing of the dynamics. Littles often employ an innate or artificial age regression referred to as little-space, and will take on characteristics usually held by children ages 3-17, depending on what resonates with them. Caregivers use rules and tasks to provide structure within the relationship. The wearing of diapers (ABDL), pacifiers, onesies, stuffed animals, coloring, and other fashion and activities of youth are typical within this relationship. This dynamic has become immensely popular in recent BDSM history, especially within the Tumblr community. 

III. Common Dynamic Abbreviations:

D/s: Dominant/submissive                                                                                   

M/s: Master/slave, or Mistress/slave

O/p: Owner/pet

C/l: Caregiver/little

DD/lg: Daddy Dominant/little girl

DD/lb: Daddy Dominant/little boy

MD/lg: Mommy Dominant/little girl

MD/lb: Mommy Dominant/little boy

Fetishes

 Abasiophilia: arousal for people with impaired mobility.

Ablutophilia: arousal from showers and baths.

Acomoclitism: sexual arousal from hairless genitalia.

Agalmatophilia: similar to technosexuality; the sexual arousal for mannequins or statues.

Algolagnia : arousal from pain, particularly involving an erogenous zone; differs from masochism as there is a biologically different interpretation of the sensation rather than a subjective interpretation.

Andromimetophilia: attraction to trans-men.

Anililagnia : attraction by young men to older women.

Aptemnophilia/Acrotomophilia : being aroused by amputees.

Archnephilia: Sexual attraction to spiders.

Asphyxiophilia: arousal from asphyxiation or strangulation.

Autagonistophilia: arousal from being on stage or on camera.

Autassassinophilia: arousal from being in life-threatening situations.

Autoandrophilia: arousal for a biological female that imagines herself as a male.

Autoerotic Asphyxiation: arousal from self-induced asphyxiation, often to the point of unconsciousness.

Autogynephilia: arousal for a biological male that imagines himself as a female.

Autonepiophilia: arousal from dressing as (or imagining oneself as) an infant.

Avisodomy: Sexual behavior with birds.

Biastophilia: arousal from the act or thought of raping a non-consenting person.

Catheterophilia: arousal from the thought, act, or watching the usage of a catheter.

Chremastistophilia: arousal from being robbed or held up.

Chronophilia: arousal from having partners of a widely differing chronological age range.

Coprolalia: being turned-on by the use of profanity (i.e. fuck, shit, bitch).

Coprophilia: arousal from scat/feces; also known as scat, scatophilia, or fecophilia.

Dacryphilia: arousal from the sight of tears or crying.

Dendrophilia: sexual attraction to trees.

Doraphilia: arousal caused by leather, skin, or fur.

Emetophilia: sexual arousal from vomit. Also known as Rainbow Play.

Enderacinism: arousal from the act or thought of tearing out sexual organs by the roots.

Erotic Asphyxiation: arousal from asphyxia of oneself or others.

Erotophonophilia: arousal from the thought or act of oneself or others committing murder.

Exhibitionism: arousal from exposing oneself sexually to others, with or without the consent of others or even the one being exposed.

Formicophilia: arousal from being crawled upon and/or bitten by bugs.

Forniphilia: human furniture play.

Frotteurism: arousal from rubbing on a non-consenting person.

Gerontophilia: sexual preference for the elderly.

Gynemimetophilia: attraction to trans-women.

Hebephilia: attraction for early pubescent children.

Hierophilia: arousal from religious/sacred objects.

Homeovestism: the opposite of transvestism; arousal from wearing clothing of one’s own gender.

Hybristophilia: attraction to criminals, particularly for cruel or outrageous crimes.

Keraunophilia: arousal from thunderstorms.

Kleptophilia: arousal from stealing; also known as kleptolagnia.

Klismaphilia: arousal from the usage of enemas.

Lactophilia: arousal from breast milk.

Liquidophelia: arousal from submerging one’s own genitals into liquid.

Macrophilia: attraction to giants, primary domination by giant women or men.

Mammaphilia: arousal from breasts; also known as mammagynophilia and mastofact.

Mechanophilia/Mechaphilia: sexual attraction to cars and/or other large machines.

Menophilia: arousal from menstruation.

Mucophilia: arousal related to mucus (i.e. consuming mucus).

Mysophilia: arousal from dirtiness, soiled, or decaying things.

Narratophilia: arousal from dirty talk, usually with obscene words.

Nasophilia: attraction to noses.

Necrophilia: attraction to corpses.

Oculolinctus: pleasure from licking someone’s eyeball.

Olfactophilia: arousal from smells.

Odaxelagnia: Sexual arousal from biting or being bitten.

Paraphilic Infantilism: attraction to adult baby/diaper lover (AB/DL); similar to autonepiophilia.

Partialism: attraction to specific, non-genital body parts.

Peodeiktophilia: arousal from exposing one’s penis.

Pedovestism: arousal from dressing like a child.

Pictophilia: arousal from pornography or erotic art, particularly pictures.

Piquerism: arousal from the thought or act of penetration of another person, most commonly by stabbing or cutting the body with sharp objects.

Podophilia: attraction to feet.

Psychorophilia: arousal from contact with extremely cold objects and/or watching others freeze.

Pygophilia: attraction to the buttocks.

Pyrophilia: arousal from fire or arousal from intercourse with a burning corpse.

Ramenophelia: arousal from rubbing noodles on one’s own or someone else’s genitals.

Raptophilia: arousal from committing rape, consensual or non-consensual.

Retifism: arousal from shoes, feet, heels.

Rhabdophillia: arousal from being beaten; arousal from punishment.

Sacofricosis: the process of making a hole in one’s pocket to masturbate in public.

Salirophilia: arousal caused by the soiling/dirtying of others.

Somnophilia: arousal from watching other people sleep.

Splanchnophilia: arousal from entrails.

Sthenolagnia: attraction to muscles or displays of strength; muscle worship.

Stigmatophilia: attraction to body piercings and tattoos.

Taphephilia: arousal from being buried alive.

Technosexuality: attraction to robots or people dressed as robots.

Telephone Scatologia: arousal from obscene phone calls, particularly to strangers; also known as telephonicophilia.

Teratophilia: attraction to deformed people.

Textophilia: arousal from certain kinds of textiles, usually from the sensation of it rubbing against an erogenous zone.

Transvestism: arousal from cross-dressing.

Transvestophilia: attraction to a transvestite.

Trichophilia: attraction to hair.

Troilism: watching one’s partner have sex with someone else, possibly without the third party’s knowledge; also known as cuckolds.

Urolagnia: arousal from play with urine, particularly in public.

Ursusagalmatophilia: arousal for teddy bears.

Vampirism: arousal from blood play.

Vorarephilia: arousal from the thought or act of devouring others wholly or being swallowed whole.

Voyeurism: arousal from watching others while naked or having sex, generally without their knowledge; also known as scopophilia or scoptophilia.

Wet and messy fetish (WAM): often called sploshing; a form of arousal from having food-related substances deliberately and liberally applied to the naked skin, predominantly the face, or to the clothes people are wearing. It is often associated with cake-sitting.

Zoophilia: arousal from the act or thoughts of animals.

Zoosadism: arousal from inflicting pain onto animals or seeing them in pain.