Most Dominant fall short and fail to fulfill the second part of the contract.
The Dominant privilege to demoilsh and clear away the rubble.
Many don't realize that is only step one.
Once they clear the ground they must build leaving behind the weak and build stronger one.
Then the one they destroyed.
The process
Demolish
Rebuild
Strengthen
This is the cycle of Dominance.
Much is written of a submissive in images of so called submissive and so called Dominants, but most is not the real BDSM it only just entertainment and at times abouse rather then genuine submission and the amazing rewards that it brings to the Dominant.
Earning submission takes patience, dedication, concern, love, empathy, listening skills and above all integrity, but when submission happens it is a feeling that is indescribable.
You can kneel in front of anyone but it will not be true submission. Submission is earned not coecred or manipulated. It is meaningful comes from submissive who is admired. The greater her will, intellect, artistic, ability, grace, kindness and beauty the greater the submission. But the Dominant will want more he wants it all and to do that. The submissive must be able to grow to the full potential. Witch means some space and mostly encouragement in everything.
She is capable of the more whole she is, the better she will be. The more precious the gift is to the Dom.
The submissive is NOT a slave it's the opposite she free to chose of her own free will to give herself.
There are many woman (men) that insecure and throw themselves at the feet of any Dominant for acceptance that is NOT submission that is desperation they might taken pity on you. This is unhealthy this is not satisfying their need.
But when a Dominant can reach confident well-read, intelligent and capable woman, captivating her imagination and earning her respect and adoration in her eyes and when she unresvedly gives you her heart, mind, and soul.that is magic.
BDSM, s&m, and D/s most focuses on physical aspects of power exchange. It is natural it is what the images see. The strength and beauty of the spiritual and emotional bond between the submissive and her Dominant. But when it does it really stands out. The devotion shows in the eyes and the posture of the Dominant and/or His submissive. The feelings are difficult to capture and yet they are true essence of D/s.
In real life submission is 90% mental, spiritual and emotional a bond so strong.
The challenge of successfully leading a submissive is great. The Dominant mind, heart become immersed in the relationship making it stronger and fulfilling for both Dominant and submissive.
Dominant brain fully in engaged, imagination is energized, and heart beats stronger. The Dominant wants to be better and stronger every day, doesn't want to let submissive down. Dominant wants to be all that he can. To make submissive thirve and doing so inspire and motivate the submissive strive to full potential.
D/s between two confident individuals. A healthy and confident is a positive relationship far from dark.
Flogging and physical challenges is spiritual uplifting experience, and with the spiritual bond between Dominant and submissive. The bodies have mutual devotion, trust, and adoration. Becomes where all physical experience and rewarding becomes possible. In that space we can indulge physical dance in the darkness and explore the power exchange.
The submissive gives heart, mind and soul only to the right Dominant.
The Dominant gives physical and emotional sensation unimaginable.
The Dominant will lead genuinely with your heart and mind and the submissive body will follow.
When is it to intense for submissive to use of safe word?
What are the symptoms to look for?
The submissive safe because she has her safe word. True but what happens in the scene gets to intense and the submissive lost power of rational volition?
Here are some things to look for:
Loss of rational speech - Is her speech mumbled, incoherent and off - topic. Then you need to shut down the scene.
Irrational demands for "more, harder." If you pushed her to her previous limits a place beyond her tolerance and continues to moans "more, harder" the she dropped to deep into subspace to be rational player in the scene you to shut the scene down.
What is your name? If she slipped away ask her name. If she can't answer immediately shut the scene down.
Safe word if nothing else ask your safe word if she doesn't answer immediately or coherently shut the scene down.
Now what you give her aftercare drink and hydration, a damp towel, under the covers with lots of cuddles and while talking to her softly letting her know your there.
Frist you need to talk with your Dominant about your goals and what your punishment will be.
This is the perfect opportunity for a Dominant to step up and inject himself into His submissive life to help her be the best version of herself.
This holds two parts in a D/s relationship responsibility and accountability.
The Dominant is responsible for monitoring your diet and exercises.
The sub is fully accountable for delivering results.
This is how it works.
Startup up phase: simple reporting it's simple rule you report when you exercise. And you will report what you ate.
There is no consequences for food choices or lack of experience during this phase this is just get you in habit of reporting.
Tighting the lease phase: This begins the enforcing the decision you may ask some sort of verification.
Examples
Like a photo of your meal
Record of your exercise
Note: Most phones have apps exercise tracker, pedometer ect
Accountability phase: There needs to be consequences for failure. Yes we are talking about punishment but the Dominant needs to treat lightly here not so much with exercise but with food there could be issues there so no shaming.
1) Do not interrupt her, even if she disrespect you.
2) Listen to her every single word.
3) Do not fear or panic to what she says.
4) Repeat back to her a summary of what you heard her say.
5) Let her calm down.
6) Tell her thank you for expressing her feelings.
Why?
Give her this freedom or she will privately tell someone else.
Wouldn't you rether hear it from her. And have her to you then
someone else.
Tips to help prepare you for a leader. Out of 10 Dominants only only 5 will want inexperienced so that they can mold the submissive together they way they want. The other 5 already skilled and dispciplind submissive that knows all the protocols.
Some Dominants will want to know.
Are you really able to handle this?
Are real submissive?
What do you have to show for it?
Are you only in it for the kink and sex?
Do you really know what your getting into?
1) Reading and research - make use of all resources that are available. Erotic is fun and arousing but I'm talking about real BDSM resources, not Facebook, Twitter, and tubler. You may also want a mentor or guardian ect that could help you with this.
2) Kneeling - get used to this, get comfortable with this, know the names of poses.
3) Mediting - can do this with Kneeling in a quiet place for about 30 minutes a day.
4) Edging - Kneeling and meditating and growing knowledge you will likely you will become aroused. You were in habit self-pleasuring but you need habit your orgasms DO NOT BELONG TO YOU train your mind. One way to do this set a schedule for yourself.
Example
Monday edge one time
Tuesday edge two times
Wednesday allow one orgasm
Thursday edge three times
Friday climax three times
Your training body to know when climax is imminent and how to control it.
5) Writing/Journaling Begin a daily journal writing to future Sir. I know a lot of submissive tag a message to there daily to there daily. You can do this also. It will help train your mind. This will help the Dominant know you and the questions are written advance, this is inportant to the Dominant. And writing in a journal helps a submissive with feelings, that you may have after secions.
Note
You may be excited to jump into it and submit. Don't do that take your time let the Dominant lead you but don't let him to quickly. Be prepared mentally and make sure you have the right Dominant.
This is my place,
My happiness,
My peace,
My freedom,
My home.
When he touches my body,
Highnes my senses,
My heart rate,
My breathing quickens.
I enter a tunal like space,
Only him and me,
No one else,
No stress,
Slap slap slap slap
He hits my ass,
I slip away.
Up up up up
I go,
No longer overwhelmed,
No heavy weight,
Crushing me.
The sting on my skin,
He smoths,
With his hand,
Taking the borden away.
He covers me with his body
"Good girl"
Then I know everything will be ok.
Wraps me in a blanket,
Cuddles me,
Until I return to my body.
He feels so strong,
And
I see how proud he of me.
D/s is not easy. It is a lot of work. Just like having a full time job. It's not just about rough sex and getting off. Every dynamic is different and unique in its own way.
There can be days your tired and things in life throws at you or had a hard day at work, now your tired and exhausted.
You want to lash out, that's normal but you can't take it out on your D/s relationship. Just stop take deep breath relax . Your not a failure. We understand we are all human.
This lifestyle is not all spankings and blow jobs. It's a lot of hard work, but it very rewarding.
They will not say or doing things like this when meeting you. Here are some examples of what they will not do.
I'm the Dom that's why.
I don't discuss my behavior with you. I'm aloud to do what ever I want.
If your a good sub you wouldn't have (so many) limits.
If your a good sub you wouldn't need a safe word.
I don't do warm ups.
I don't do aftercare.
I'm a Master.
Two people in a relationship what happens if one stops needing the other?
Some think it such a negative word, some think it is someone unsecure. A person who is in need of emotional support. A person that is desperate for attention.
In security and desperation don't work well together.
Needing someone to take care of you or to lean on is a normal need.
Being a Submissive the need comes out in a need of rules, structure and power exchange.
Neediness come in all relationships without needing each other what holds it together.
In D/s relationship it allows you to create an environment where you are able to discuss your needs in safe conmfortable place. And allows you to create structure and allows both our needs to be met.
I need to feel needed. I think everyone needs to feel needed in way or another.
Note:
Dominants need to be needed, they thrive on helping a submissive, who needs them.
Power exchange is act of giving something and
receiving another.
It is the D/s dynamic it is a truly beautiful and
fulfilling if approached in a healthy way.
She is just a fuck hole or I can be your Dominant,
This is not power exchange.
Power exchange is not onesided and no where
in the term says it is onesided..
Example:
(The submissive) I give control of my life in return
the Dominant gives guidance and safety ect.
A submissive derided or questioning her wants
and needs or flat out asks (are you really a submissive).
They wouldn't think this at all, if you are a real submissive.
Living to only please your Dominant and except nothing
In return that is not power exchange.
1) Don't make demands of a submissive that dose not belong to you.
You should know the difference between controlling your own submissive and how to treat the ones that do not belong to you.
2) Do NOT talk to submissive intimately that dose not belong to you or try to woo behind another Dom back.
The time and energy you put in talking to another submissive you should be putting into your own submissive if you want a different one do the right thing and break it off.
3) Don't ditch a submissive.
How would you feel if you depended on someone and sudden gone never to hear from again.
4) Don't cut a submissive out from contributing to the relationship.
If you attend to what she wants you can go in different directions listen to her wants and needs.
5) Don't ask someone you just met to be your submissive.
It's your job to inspire her to submit by getting to know who she is.
6) Don't put your submissive on a shelf.
Submissive are human beings, they should not be inggnored.
7) Don't compare your submissive to a past submissive.
It's not about competition.
8) Don't skimp at the essential ingredients in a D/s relationship.
Don't limit your submissive safe word in anyway. Don't skimp on the aftercare.
9) Don't make unilateral decisions that your submissive is directly opposed to.
10) Don't lie to your submissive.
It's all about trust.
This list is simple. I have been asked so many times what is the difference between Dom and Daddy Dom and what do they do. A Daddy Dom is a teacher.
1) a Daddy Dom must have amazing self-respect control. Need to be able to say no to your submissive, when that is the right choice for the submissive plus being able to give your girl what she needs.
2) Submissive needs rules and structure so inportant to provide that. The best way to provide structure through use of rules.
Rules should never be about the Dominant. Make sure discuss and explain each one. Make sure to ask if she has a input. Rules should be something that bind you.
3) Just because your a Dominant don't think your submissive thoughts don't matter. Yes your in position in the relationship to lead and to be a good leader.
Listen, learn make decisions and take in your submissive feelings, and the choices that offect her.
4) Daddy Dominant must be communicators. Communicate is the key to this lifestyle. Being able to communicate freely and deeply with each other is requirement.
5) Daddy Dominant dose not have every answer it is inportant recognize need to be always learning. Dedicate yourself to your submissive and the lifestyle.
6) We all make mistakes, that's what shapes us into who we are. Admit your faults and learn from them.
7) Always have a safe word never push her limits after a safe word is called.
8) Aftercare is inportant it is part of bonding these moments will enhance your connection.
9) Be honest share the good and bad.
She not a toy as well has toy.
She not your teaser as well well has your pleasure.
You don't treasure her as much has you revish her.
You don't comfort her as you control her.
You don't hold her as well you scold her.
You don't left her up as you tie her down.
She not the object of your affection but just a subject of your genuflection.
Then you are not a True Dominant.
1) Will not start off with introduction (I'm a Master, Master ..... )
This wrong.
- If online block and move on
- In person tell them your not interested
2) Dominant will not desperate for attention. He has women, there drawn to him. Now if he frantic because you haven't got back to him in hour it's a good chance he is hard up for sex he is not a Dominant.
3) Dominant is most likely successful in life. He happy in his profession, he will strive. Now if he's unhappy and unemployment for years lack of success hates his job. He uses Dominant has a cover up.
4) A Dominant man will be interested in you not just sexual needs. He will see you has a puzzle, desire. A Dominant loves a challenge. Most men fear a challenge. A submissive are a challenge
5) Dominants are good in the sack. He has good understanding of the woman body, and finds the keys to your body and mind.
6) Dominant will have all the accoutrements for kinks
- whips
- chains
- ect
He will not need them to be a Dominant. His touch is his weapon of choice. Not bragging about his dungeon his toys.
7) Dominant is very cautious in selecting a submissive
8) Dominant will make mistakes and not be afraid to admitting them.
9) Dominant will not ask or bag for naked pictures. He will not bag for anything. He will simply wait until your dying to.
10) Dominant will not send cock shot the first greeting.
11) Dominant will never lie. He will be straight forward.
12) Dominant will never be heavy handed in his approach. He will be skilled.
Something a submissive never should do is take control away from the Dominant, even if it's a little piece. The power of control is a gift to the Dominant.
Taking away this control is selfish it is something the Dominant needs. It is Dominant altimate need, take that into consideration next time you want to disobey your Dominant.
Another way to look at it, this need in a submissive is the need to hand over control. Control and submit. What if your Dominant didn't take your submission in consideration?
A Dominant rather make his submissive happy then punish the submissive. It breaks the Dominant heart and then punish the submissive. It breaks the Dominant heart and then consider. Dose the submissive really want this? Is the submissive really a submissive? The submissive isn't following orders what will submissive do in a long term?
Meaning of obedience is complying with commands, orders or instructions of one authority. Obedience is not given without form of trust.
Entering D/s relationship trust is earned and built upon. The submissive trust the Dominant to guide her please her, to take care of her, to help her grow. So do the expectation , sometimes it will take you out of your comfort zone. Rules will be created. The submissive is expected to follow those rules.
Sometimes a submissive will not like or understand a rule or command but however this is part of trust and exchange of power in a D/s relationship. The submissive needs to trust the Dominant enough to allow Him this power to control her. In return submissive gives him obedience this is the vital piece.
A Dominant relationship is a choice, also based on needs of Dominant and submissive. Dominant needs control and to give pleasure. Submissive needs to yield control and give pleasure. Dominant and submissive are both give pleasure, only in different ways. Without obedience this would be a battle.
A submissive needs to trust her Dominant enough to understand that. The Dominant ultimately giving her what she needs. The Dominant challenges the submissive in order to truly give her what she needs. The submissive needs to put aside, fears, selfishness, wholly trust and give the Dominant what he needs.
By giving up selfishness, following the rules and meeting expectation this is obedices and you are giving the Dominant respect and most of all TRUST.
Submissive deepest desire and need is to please her Dominant the one she trust. Without obedience it's not fully submission and to please the Dominant. You need to fully submit let everything down, every sadness, hurt and pain.
You let down your Dominant you can't fully submit, you will hurt it's sadness and frustration.
And a true Dominant will punish you for the lack of obedience on the submissive part.
Then begins to tear apart foundation the needs of the D/s relationship that was built. The exchange of power is being challenged.
Without obedience is breaking the contract. Means the submissive choosing what rules to follow and take away from the authority of the Dominant. The gift the submissive gave to Dominant.
The Dominant is left to wonder what rules are valid or kept. It puts Dominant sense of authority and faith on shaky ground. A submissive must recognize this. The disobedience is a result of losing trust in the submissive. Dominant will question the motives and commitment and desires of the D/s relationship.
A true submissive desires to have a true and meaningful D/s relationship. Submissive must completely submit and demonstrate trust in the Dominant. The submissive needs to leave behind selfishness, ego and humility aside. If can't do this you can't truly be a submissive. You will only end up hurting the Dominant and probably yourself.
Best way for a submissive to learn about it.
Have her/him write a essay about it.
1,000 words about the meaning of
obedience. This should also be part of
a submissive frist week of training. Then
that way when she/he gets a punishment
she/he will know why.
Dominant keeps this essay have the submissive
read it when done something wrong
it can help with your bonding, and make sure
submissive reads it out loud to you. So the
submissive takes in every word and feels it.
Soul connection is resonponce between each other.
Essential beauty a connection on a deeper level.
A heart connection is loving each other for who they are,
Loving who that could that be and recognizing it.
Soul connection inspires us to expand. Forces us confront
what stands in our way of expansion.
The more people open up to each other will bring to surface,
their darkest wounds, desperation, mistrust, emotional trigger
points the lover pure openness. The place we shut down.
The unconditional love opens this and plants a seed, helping
them. It ripens and takes root.
