Becoming a good Dominant

   Start with writing down your thoughts. I recommend a journal of some sort. Start writing down what you think of a good Dominance/submission is, now write down why you are looking into D/s. Then write down why you think you are or maybe are not suited to D/s.

   Next step do some research, Actual research, not just looking into some bondage and porn. D/s is not inherently about bondage or even sex. D/s is about the relationship between a Dominant and His submissive. bondage or sex maybe be a part of the D/s relationship in time, but do not start there, learning about the responsibilities of being a Dominant. One good way to learn about the responsibilities of being a Dominant is to see what submissive say about what they need and how their Dominant addresses those needs. Also read about what other Dominants have to say about being Dominant and what it means to them.

   Some say the submissive is always in charge, others say a Dominant is always in charge, when he has a submissive. Some say a Dominant is always a Dominant. Some say D/s is an integral part of their relationship and who they are. Still others will say it is just something they do for fun and not really a big deal.

   Next you write down about you start to determining where you are in the wide field of opinions a perspectives on D/s. Write about what you find in your research down your opinions about what you find. Do more research and writing. 

   When you think you have thing sorted out, then write your understandings of D/s changed. Do you think differently? What do you think about why you do or do not want to get  in D/s relationship? Write it all down.

   Read what you write then write again make your brain filter through all these thoughts and then organize these thoughts.

   Being a good Dominant is a serious task.

One of the most important things a Dominant should be is self aware, by which I mean a Dominant should know Himself, and know Himself well. That means thinking about who you are and how you came to be who you are. It means being honest and truthful with yourself as much has as possible.

   D/s will show you things about yourself you did not know before. D not be afraid of that. Embrace it. the more you learn about yourself, the more clearly you will be able to see not just what you want you need to do to improve yourself as a person and not just has a Dominant.

   Good leadership is understanding that a proper D/s relationship is not an unequal relationship. Your submissive will submit  to you and serve you. You as a Dominant will lead and serve your submissive. Dominant is the one in charge in a D/s relationship, but being in charge does not mean having everything your own way. Being in charge dose not mean neglecting the needs of the submissive.

   Your job as a Dominant is not to be a dictator. Your job as a Dominant is to be a leader. Will there be rules? Will you train your submissive? Will you sometimes punish your submissive? All things you need to ask yourself. But you do all of that merely to selfishly serve your whims, you will be engaging in abuse, not dominance. True  dominance and leadership is about elevating the submissive, raising her up, encouraging her, making her feel safe, being her strength when she feels weak, and helping her to become a better person. 

   You do not just set rules for your submissive to get her to do what you want, You set rules for your submissive to provide her with structure and stability. You train your submissive and, When necessary punish your submissive not from capriciousness or vindictiveness, but in patience and understanding so that she improves and learns and grows both as your submissive and as a person. As you help the submissive, you will become stronger and better and wiser, in other words, you will become a better person to.

   How do you know when rules are set? and How do you know what training she needs?

   As a Dominant, you need to know yourself, and you need to know the submissive. You will need to communicate with your submissive about D/s and about what she wants and needs and feels.. Your submissive wants to trust you. She wants you to know what she needs and desires. And she wants you to help her feel safe and secure. She  will tell you all the things you should know about her, so long as you pay attention to her.

   Listen to your submissive. Watch her. Watch her body language. Pay attention to not just what she says, but how she says it. She will tell you all you need to know if you pay attention.

   When you pay attention, and learn about her, she will reveal the most amazing things to you. What amazing things? I cannot say exactly. Every submissive is different. But you will see her strengths and her faults and her confidence and doubt, and her inner little girl, and her inner slut and everything in between. And she will teach you things about yourself that you never knew. And there will be joy and sadness and pleasure and pain, and ll the things that make life wonderful and worth living.

   Being a  Dominant is a heavy responsibility. it can be very difficult. But it amazing. You will find beauty and joy you have not yet imagined. It will shape you and mold you into a stronger, better person. It will astonish you and frighten you and please you and inspire you. And sometimes, If you get it just right, it will do all those things at once, and you will begin to know in that moment that true meaning of the word awesome.

Becoming a good Dominant is worth the effort., You will become better person. You become stronger and more mature. 

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