As a submissive you have know your limits, and what things interest you, and you need to communicate to your Dominant. you have to say when you enjoy something and when you don't. you need to let the Dominant know I they can push you harder. you have to let your Dominant I your upset. people cant reads minds Being a Dominant doesn't make you a mind reader.
Real means involves dealing with people's real insecurities, awkwardness, and problems. The harder parts are what makes this so rewarding. Realty is it makes it even better than fantasy, because of the difficulty, self growth and journey you take with the Dominant or submissive.
Silent treatment the submissive calls it can be used has communication. Most Dominants are quiet and a lack o verbal it's natural for a Dominant.
Trust is important in any relationship, but in a D/s relationship the nature of the Dominant and the submissive relationship demands this. The submissive is turning over control to the Dominant. The submissive must be able to trust the Dominant for this to work. With out trust the submissive would not be able to submit, it would be only out of fear, this is not healthy mentally or emotionally.
Gorean is based of book it's not talking about a true Master/submissive relationship.
Dominant must do for a healthy relationship is build trust, by respecting the limits in sex and in public situations or BDSM play. Trust is built in all the other ways the Dominant treats and interacts with the submissive. The Dominant speaks to the submissive, touches, looks, treats the submissive in public, speaks about the submissive to others, listens, acknowledges way makes feel and on and on. Build trust stronger the trust will be and better the relationship will be.
The Dominant should be aware the submissive wants to trust, the submissive needs to trust. Sometimes the littlest thing the submissive will remembers as moment which proves to the submissive that can trust the Dominant. If you put forth the effort to build it. It's part of the beauty and wonder of a health relationship.
The submissive will notice when the Dominant do things that the Dominant intends to/for the submissive. The submissive will sometimes notice when something the Dominant dose to help in away that the submissive did not intend. The submissive will notice words that reelect, that the Dominant listens to. The submissive is importin to the Dominant. The submissive will notice when you use a word that resonates with her even if you did not consciously choose reason to. The submissive will notice your idle stroking of her hair, her breasts, her arm or her leg it will comfort her even if your consciously thinking about it. These things will also build trust because it tells the submissive that the Dominant cares.
When submissive believes and/or feels that she is safe with the Dominant then she will trust again. The Dominant should be consciously cultivating a sense of safety for the submissive. the submissive needs to feel safe in her submission. It's part of the drive to submit. The submissive wants and needs to feel the that safety. She needs to give someone that much trust. She needs to submit. So the Dominant needs to do His job, the trust and sense of safety will grow.
The Dominant needs to be able to trust the submissive. The submissive needs to let the Dominant know that He can trust her to be obedient, to communicate with Him, to behave herself in a manner that reflects well on Him and to appreciate His efforts to learn about her care for her.
Example is another Dominant comes up to you and wans sex but you ae collared and owned you would tell that Dominant that and then go and inform your Dominant of what happened.
Trust goes both ways the submissive needs to be able to trust the Dominant and the Dominant needs to be able to trust the submissive.
The submissive learns the Dominants likes a certain thing, and learns to do it without being told, this builds trust with the Dominant, And this dose not mean sexually. The submissive sees that the Dominant always gets a beer or glass of water after work. The submissive begins to make sure that the beer or water, or what ever the thing is prepared for Him without having to ask, That build trust. The Dominant proves he listened to the submissive and the submissive proves she listened to the Dominant.
Dominant and submissive will be able to build a healthy relationship together.
The tools for building trust is communication. The Dominant and submissive have to communicate. The Dominant does not always know what is bothering you. The submissive needs to tell the Dominant. The submissive does not always know what you want her to do, you need to talk to her.
If the submissive feels she cannot speak of something because she is afraid of disappointing you. The Dominant needs to get the submissive to a place where she feels safe enough to say what she needs to say. Th Dominant feels he should not have to say a thing, He needs to get over that and say what needs to be said. What bothering the Dominant or the submissive only way to deal with it is to address it. The dominant and the submissive need to talk about it.
The submissive do not lie to your Dominant. If a certain thing is a limit say so. If uncomfortable and you do not know why say so. Id you hold things back from your Dominant it is damaging the trust in the relationship. nd building yourself up for some real harm. Be honest always. Disappointed you might think your Dominant will be by what you say, He will be far more disappointed if you do not tell Him something that He needs to know.
Something you want the submissive do and she not doing it, talk to the submissive. If there something wrong, do not just punish her all the time, find out why she keeps getting it wrong. Angry about something work it out. Make the submissive know that. Don't assume you submissive understands your moods, talk to the submissive. Be honest, your submissive wants to help you. Maybe that means leaving you alone, let her know the reason why. Don't put doubt in your submissive mind, eventually eat away at the her ability to trust you and to serve you. Within yourself, your submissive has need to trust you and to serve you, let her.
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