101 BDSM Basics

Many come to this lifestyle because of photographs of kinky sex and thinking that this is what BDSM lifestyle is you are wrong all those photos are is just kinky sex nothing more.
BDSM is about control and D/s relationship  most think all they need to do is go out and find a Dominant or submissive and then there you go wrong again. There is more behind it so much more. Here is a few things you should know.

1) Are submissive girls all up for grabs? No they are not they are either in a relationship or not. Some maybe collar and owned this means they can not be touched and that they are with a Dominant and no other has rights to the submissive. If they are unowned or single then she can choose to and has rights. If you are unsure if she is owned or in a relationship approach carefully she may have rules she has to follow.
(Some submissive come into this lifestyle married to full feel a need this may become an issue down the road in this lifestyle so really think about it before you comment)

2) Is an existing relationship is no inpediment for pursuing a submissive girl? Many in D/s community are monogamous if you see they are in a relationship respect them and move on there maybe couples out there looking for a play partner who are polyamorous this may not mean you need a sub. There is some individuals that are just ployamorous.

3) What do submissive girls like to be called? Terms used such has: princess, kitten, pet, cat, babygirl, sub, little girl, These terms are used and earned by the Dominant. Submissive don't like to be called this by others this is a special bond by the Dominant and submissive.

4) Do submissive like to be called or referred to has a whore, slut or cunt ect? Not all do, many are not into into degradation and to be called it by anyone else but her Dom. It is a huge disrespect to her.

5) Can you treat your submissive girl any way you choose? No you can't just because they give up control does not make them unworthy of your respect.

6) Dose a Dominant men expect others hit on their submissive? No they don't. Some may like to show off their submissive off what is His because others may want but the Dominant wants their relationship to be respected. So keep your desires to yourself. Not sure the submissive is in a relationship try asking with respect.

7) Is there anything wrong with asking a submissive girl to be your submissive? No, but you should always try getting to know her first. And make sure they are not in a relationship first. It takes a lot to trust. And a submissive trust is earned.

8) Is there anything wrong with asking a Dominant to be your Dom? No but again get to know him first and make sure they are not in a relationship. Don't ever had trust over to a stranger.

9) Are submissive all a like? No they are not. They may all be in BDSM but each one is unique.

10) Are all Dominants a like? No they are not. They all have their own appetites, rules but they adapt to their submissive needs and the right care for His submissive.



These are the basics guide lines and rules of the lifestyle. Just remember that each person and relationship is different unsure set back and watch and observe and learn don't bother a couple because you think you got a chance have some respect for yourself has well has the couple.


© Dom to sub love

Real life D/s

We love each other so much we can't live without each other.
Being apart puts a big ack in our souls.

We had good and bad times together.
The love and trust we have gets us throw the decisions life puts at us.

When there struggle we struggle together.
When we love we love together.
We communicate together has one.
We connect on level that one else can share.

My Sir is my hero.
He feels it.
He my home.
My safe place.
And I know it now more now than anything.

He owns me
I know it I feel it.

When we disgree we talk it out we don't argue about it.
And, if Sir thinks I need a punishment to fix my miss behavior I except my puishment without argument.
Because I know Sir is teaching me a lesson.

I am His and Sir knows it.
He is my safe place and He knows it.
He is my rock and He knows it.
He is the keeper of my heart and soul 
He knows it.

We feel each other needs.

I love Him and He knows it.

He doesn't punish me because He hates me.
He does it because He loves me.

He pushes me to success.
Because He loves me.

Our relationship is love, soul connection, rough, kindness, harshness, but most of all full of love and understanding of each other.

© Dom to sub love

Communication

Communication is very important in any relationship. In our relationship is by using different techniques, being mindful of different things.
Why is communication inportant?
It is one of the ways we bond and connect with one another. It's how we understand each other, each other views, beliefs, it's one of the things we value the most.
It what you want to develop in a relationship spend lots of time with. It also helps to understand, accepted, and appreciated. We all need this in a relationship.
The more you communicate and understand one another the stronger the relationship will be.

© Dom to sub love

Types

There are two types of spankings Discipline and Erotic.
Spankings can be for discipline or for fun. For discipline I mean discipline not breathless where " please spank me Sir" it should never be for fun it will encourage bad behavior.
Discipline is used to grow and flourish a submissive and depend on them to always be there.
Yes us submissive like to test our Dom often. We enjoy toeing the line.
As a submissive there is comfort and security in knowing there consequences for any behavior. They are unchanging and they are subject to the Dominant moods or whimsy, pouting, temer tantrums. If the submissive truly knows she did wrong, they will hurt, at enough to deter us from misbehaving like that again.
This is how a submissive knows perimeters, this is how a submissive learns what is and not acceptable. This is how Dom shows what he wants for me to see and exprence in order to grow has a submissive.



© Dom to sub love

Kneeling is form of respect

Kneeling it is respect for your Master. It is giving him your submission also.

The feeling when He looks at you, to see pride in His eyes it is a rush from inside you comes from way deep inside flooding to the surface.
It's a overwhelming emotion to know waiting for me every time to kneel in front of Him to give and show my submission and give myself to Him.
There are many times, many ways daily makes sure know I'm loved, wanted, and needed. I show the same in return but when I'm there Kneeling, quiet and staying very still it is me giving myself to my Dom. Wanting to show, have Him see all the feelings, see I'm completely His. It all belongs to Him.

© Dom to sub love

What's it like

Do you fancy of a woman, who is so far in subspace she will agree to do anything for you?
A woman who has PTSD and is triggered by blood and knife play but so lost in her devotion and subservience to you she would do it anyway?
Are you strong enough and dedicated enough to her to understand that state is more powerful to her than any drugs or alcohol and decide on her behalf she can no longer consent?
Do you care enough not to abuse that power?

If you answer no - you lose all rights to call yourself her protector.


© Dom to sub love

Frist step in training her.

First step in training her to be perfect submissive is allowing her to be perfect submissive, and only way to do that is to relieve her of the burden of caring and worrying about herself and her own needs. If you can't do that for her then. She can't property let go and submit.
This is what really makes difference between vanilla couples. There is no room for selfishness or ego He puts her first and she puts Him first. It's really the only way needs are met.
If it seems like too much work or your to selfish or lazy or lack the will or lack the time or energy your not ready for this lifestyle and the responsibility. Then your not ready for reality not ready to be a Dominant or submissive.

© Dom to sub love

So you think your a Dominant

Your sub is a warrior, she the most strongest, smartest, kindest, intelligent, generous, rarest and most independent person you know.
She not without flaws and weakness. Look around her life and outside your relationship. You will wounder, why a woman like her ends up being a perfect natrule submissive and still trust you.
It's because He cannot, will not and should not prioritizee relieves her of caring for herself. Now don't confuse this with breaking her to the point that she will not care about herself.
S Him. He priority is her. She should have no doubts that she is His main priority.
He may cum first but she COMES first.
It is His responsibility to care for her more then she's ever cared for herself. She needs to see it, feel it, and be confident in it.
She needs to be 200% confident that, He will not take advantage of her vulnerability and that He will not let her come to any harm.
She able to submit to Him completely because she does not feel second and not have to worry about taking care of herself.
If He fails that responsibility, or for one moment He put her in a position she feels the need to look after herself because He not then she cannot fully surrender.
If that means staying up all night because you see signs of of sub drop before she falls asleep and she wakes up in the middle of the night He needs to be there and ready to take care of her.
It means when you play out a scene of her being tied up and leaving her in a room ready to be used by Him. You want to be sitting right outside that door with a monitor  linked to one behind her that she cannot see, listening to signs of distress and discomfort.
It means He doesn't get to pick or choose when he there for her.
Tough day?
Stressed?
Tired?
Distracted?
She. Comes. First. Consistently.
Even if the best He can do is sit down and ask her to recount her tasks for the day the successes and failures and how she felt doing them and hoping like Hell there's no need for correction or punishment He knows it doesn't matter how tired He is it will be addressed or if it can't be that there will be a big discussion about it. It's also giving Himself a firm talking to when He hears those thoughts and sees the ego and selfishness coming back.
Means consistently putting her and our relationship first.
Means He just as present and focused on her tasks as she is, Even the simple ones.
For example she writing and you are working on your computer but actually you are counting the number of times she stops and rubs her wrists or stretches and noting her facial expressions.
For example she naked and dry humping your leg while He's fully clothed. He inspects her and verbally degrades her afterwards but He is noting any skin irritation and the type of material He was wearing.
Picking out her clothes each day.
Being her Dominant isn't about Him it's about her. Just like for her being for her being His submissive isn't about her it's about Him
Every single thing He puts in He gets back ten times twenty times thousand times
He wants her to look at Him with respect and adoration. He wants her to be the woman who uses all the energy she has left to worship Him.
He wants her to run into His arms as soon has He gets home, even if He's gone five minutes and there no reason for her to miss Him that much.
He wants the letters she writes Him every day, without ever managing to repeat herself. Always having something new about Him to write praise and admiration.
He wants Her favorite bedtime stories to be about Him even if it's boring in His view.
Smartest: He wants her to come to Him when she has problems.
Kindest: He wants her to ask advice from Him.
Warrior: Who faces her battles head on and dares her demons to do their worst to come running to Him. Even if it's her favorite  book character died or thunderstorm made her jump or she woke up and he wasn't there.
Independent: Who has felt, she has taken care of herself for longer than she remembers.
He wants her to relie on Him to take care massage her, to remind her to eat, to do her hair, to shave her, to dress her.
He wants the girl that put up so many walls up with everyone else, who respond to stress with need to be broken down and torn apart because she knows He will build her back up piece by piece and stronger than before.
And yes he wants insatiable slut. His filthy little bitch in heat who can be used for hours and still roll over and hump against His thigh. Who works herself ragged and volunteers, and comes home to Him watching porn and gets on her knees and opens her mouth without word.

© Dom to sub love

I have rewritten and updated this writing post from my old one

Understanding D/s relationship

A submissive obeys her Dominant in all things. A submissive dose not question His orders. She does not want to dispoint Him in anyway. A good and well trained submissive that's true at heart has this need and craving to make Him happy and to please Him in all things.

A submissive represent her Dominant in the way she talks, dresses, post on her social media accounts and everything she does.

He may say no to her, it may be out of safety for her or something she may not need right now. She in return she should respect the decision He has made without question.

© Dom to sub love

Subspace

Subspace is a term used in D/s relationships it is a high to a submissive, it's a feeling a submissive gets during a scene a place she goes, kinda of like living this world, it's like when get involved in a book and you go to that world. It's like that but has submissive it cosed by exprence of intense pain, and/or pleasure. It's a trigger of the nervous system- wide response with a release of chemicals including endorphins, enkephalins, and epinephrine from different areas of your brain. It's your body natural pain killers. That when our body survival instincts kick in.
What goes up must come down the feeling don't last. Our body stops producing those chemicals that made this high usually just as or even more suddenly has it started producing them.
The tingling, buzzing and the grogginess like maybe a drunk feeling will replace the high has you gradually get your coordination, and get your very consciousness, back in your control. This is usually felt almost felt imediately, and quite normal. It's nearly physical inpossible to prevent from happening. This is the physical side to sub drop.

© Dom to sub love

Trespassing on another Dominant

This happens way to to much. Another Dominant aproching another Dominant submissive.
This is so wrong and very disrespectful. For both Dominant and submissive. Not only disrespectful but she could be under rules and maybe even training or maybe things about her that you may not understand. But the Dominant does and knows what she needs.

And a submissive shouldn't be friends with other Dominants/Master that is also disrespect to the Dominants. If she once to be friends with one she should have permission from her Dominant and if he has submissive ok it with her well. It saves issues down the road. If she unowned she wait it will save issue when she does become owned.


© Dom to sub love

Collar not adornment

A collar not adornment. It is something more.
It's a symbol of comment To her Dominant.
It shows she is own to the Dominant. It shows
she is she cared for by a Dominant, and how in
Intouch He is with his submissive.
The collar should fit who she is, to match the
personality He sees in her. It's something he
carefully chosen for her. Something that's just
for her and no other woman.
When you wear His collar you will know damn
well who you belong to. This is why a submissive
should NEVER wear a collar unless own by a
Dominant. You will never regret it when you wear
His collar and own by a Dominant. I for one don't.
I would never change any of it.


© Dom to sub love

A Master always has reason

Why does Master do that? Why does Master say that? Why does he say no?
Well it all comes down to a Dominant always has his resones. A Dominant should never be questioned. They may do things out of your safety or maybe help you grow and learn. You has the submissive should always do has your told and when your told, never put it off. That may hurt a Dominant when you put things off. It may show you don't care enough to obey and it shows your not being a true submissive. Doing what your told when Dominant says it pleases the Dominant in return your both happy.

© Dom to sub love

Most asked questions answered

These are some of the most asked questions I receive.


1) what do you thoughts on collars? It's like a wedding ring and being married. Being collared is a private and motional moment between the Dominant and submissive. It is a symbol of ownership and comment. Some wear necklace or anklet, bracelet in the day. Is necessary? No it's not. Do I love it?  Yes I do

Note a submissive should not wear a collar just for show, it ruins the meaning of being collared. It should only be worn if you are truly owned and collared by a Dominant. It is something a sub is proud of. It not something to be taken lightly.

2) What is your favorite non sexual act of Dominant partner does to you? Being at his feet, laying wrapped up in his arms and just talking.

3) What is your favorite D/s activity that would not be considered sexual? Kneeling at his feet. It is very intimate and very much needed in this lifestyle.

4) If you could give only one piece of advice to a new submissive, what would it be? Being patient and learn not all Dom's are a like. You can't just jump into this lifestyle.

5) Dose romance have a place in Dom/sub relationship? Yes it does



© Dom to sub love

Can you punish a Dominant

When a Master does something wrong, there is consequences,
But it's not for the submissive to punish Him. He the Dominant
judges himself, I'm not any less His sub. I make it clear and we
discuss it. He always takes the time to talk with me. When I'm
sad because of him, He hates that, so He will stop and talk to
me. That makes him a good Dominant.
Bottom line Dominant is accountable for His actions. He correct
it himself that makes Him a good Dominant.

© Dom to sub love